Time to start writing again.

It's been far too long since I've written a post for my little blog, and in the last week or so I've seen 2 friends who have reminded me to write - to just do it! So here I am writing and already it feels good.

I'm not totally sure what stopped me writing, however I do think it has a little to do with my mind being preoccupied with a bit of anxiety. My anxiety is low level and pretty straightforward - it is directly related to my health and is a result of having had breast cancer not only once - but twice! Throw some genetic disposition into the mix and worrying about the pain in my foot - is it foot cancer??? seems hardly surprising.

However, even though I'm very good at rationalising my anxiety, I'm not always so effective at dealing with it. I let it creep up on me and then I realise that a large amount of my mental energy is being spent worrying about things that haven't happened and that may happen - although most times these are incredibly unlikely to happen. As well as being unpleasant, what I dislike most about this is the space these thoughts take up in my mind. I have realised that when I'm anxious I have less space to be creative. My mind becomes full of not only the anxious thoughts, but also the thoughts that I use to try to resist and deal with the worries. Lots of not so helpful self-talk included. I become distracted - not fully present. And less inclined to take risks, to make things, to try something new.

The flip side of this is that as soon as I do something creative - such as writing which is my preferred creative outlet, my anxiety starts to fade away. It's like when you really don't want to exercise but you drag yourself out - and of course end up loving it and feeling fantastic afterwards. (Walking is also great for my headspace, as is mediating which I don't do nearly enough).

So I guess the moral of my story is that it's time to start writing again. We all know that prevention is better than the cure and now that my head is in a good place I should give myself some gentle help to keep it that way.

Vanna xxx




 

Walking with my beautiful dog Mali is great for my mental health too.

 And so is drinking tea of course!

Happy New Year and Books!

 

 

 

 

 

I was very happy today to hear on the radio news that in the last year sales of books had increased and sales of e books had decreased for the first time! Yipee! This means that I am not alone in my love for the real thing - a lovely book to hold, to carry around, to cuddle up with at night. New books have the wonderful smell and the sense of anticipation as you wait to be the first person to read it. Old books have character and history and connection. I have no real issue with e books, and I can't really comment on them as I've never actually read one and am not in a hurry to either.

 

This news coincided with my idea to post a photo of all the books that I read last year. This idea is in no way original as I've seen it on other blogs, and I thought it would be a fun exercise to pile them up and reflect on what I've read. After a search through the house I found the 13 books in the photo above - so not a bad start, more than one a month.

 

Then over the next few days I remembered a few other books that I had read but had borrowed:

 

 

                                                            The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

                                                           Questions of Travel by Michelle de Krester

                                                           The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton

                                                           Animal People by Charlotte Wood

 

 

  Then looking back at my blog posts I was reminded of this most amazing and wonderful book. I don't know how I could have forgotten it! I was so moved and inspired by the stories in Far from the Tree. All I can say is read it please.

 

 

   Another post reminded me of these books - a few made it to the big pile. I have to admit to starting The Narrow Road to the Deep North by Richard Flanagan and not being able to finish it. This was also the case with Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell. I tried, but maybe my head was not in the right space for either of them and I do believe that there are way, way, way too many books waiting to be read, to persist with one that's just not doing it for you.

 

As well as Far from the Tree the stand outs for me included Bonfire of the Vanities which I read after our holiday in New York. It was brilliant and as it was my Dad's copy from 1987 I was treated to his personal addition in the form of an article on Tom Wolfe tucked between the pages, and that feeling of closeness to Dad that I get when I read his old books. I also loved Currawong Manor which was made extra special by my regular meetings with the gorgeous Josephine as I walk to work or the shops. Animal People by another local Charlotte Wood was a great entertaining and clever read and I also found The Blue Zones potentially life changing - I am now aiming to live to 100!

 

 

So there you go, about 20 books in total. I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself and feel inspired to try and read more this year. I started the year with The Hamilton Case  by Michelle de Krester and I am currently in the midst of We are all Completely Beside Ourselves by Karen Joy Fowler (fantastic title!).

 

What did you read and love? Do you find enough time to read? I am so thankful that I am able to make time for reading - it truly nourishes me.

 

Vanna xxx

 

Crazy contradictions

Yesterday as I was driving I was listening to the radio, and in the same news headlines were reports of thousands of people dying from the ebola virus and then the news that a horse had won 3 million dollars for wining a race. I had one of those moments where I wondered about the absolute insanity and unfairness of our world. Surely in a sane world that money would be going towards health and safety rather than rewarding people for forcing a horse to run fast. I know this is a very simplified reaction to reality and usually I don't let these contrasts bother me, however every now and then it just all seems too ridiculous.

Today however is a beautiful Spring day in Sydney - I'm sitting on my verandah writing and enjoying a cup of tea. The world seems a little less crazy and as always incredibly beautiful because of and in spite of these contradictions.

Vanna xxx

Fabric memories

It's been a bit quiet at tea and contemplation lately - things are busy in other parts of my life so my energy is elsewhere just for the moment. I am however drinking large amounts of tea (what would I do without it!) and hope to have more time for blogging and writing soon.

In the meantime I've had another little story published in The Planthunter online magazine. Yay!
It's about my childhood once again - as I've said before, I really enjoy writing about my memories of this time. The theme for this month on the Planthunter is fabric, which reminded me of the fun I had with my Mum as we collected plants to use to make dye to colour the wool she had spun.

The story is called Adventures with sour sobs and lichen . Have a look if you like - I wonder what sorts of creative adventures you had as a child?

Staying with the fabric theme - this is a beautiful crochet blanket that my Oma hand made and which I now proudly own. Another special memory of her and her many talents.

Vanna xxx

TTotaler

Its been a while since I've blogged about tea so here goes ...

Yesterday my friend Wendy and I had a wonderful tea experience at TTotaler in Newtown. Going there was on my list of things to do this school holidays and I'm so glad we did!

Wendy enjoying her Chai Yoga tea - and amazing apple and orange cake.

I couldn't resist one of my favourite teas - French Earl Grey. My cake was delicious too - carrot, walnut and chai!

I love the simple style of the cafe - it sort of felt like a very comfortable old science lab that was being slowly taken over by plants as they grew quietly around us.

I'm looking forward to going back and trying more tea - the selection is large and interesting. Have a look on their Facebook page or website  - www.ttotalertea.com

Love on Father's Day

I'm missing my Dad today on my first Father's Day without him, so in his memory I'd thought I'd share something he wrote in one of his many diaries:

“The free Nelson Mandela concert in UK closed with the chair closing the celebration with 4 words –

FIRST – HUMANITY

FIRST – JUSTICE

and   I say

FIRST & LAST: LOVE.     

 

May all Dad's and all beings be peaceful and well and loved.

Vxxx

 

                                                                                               

The landscape of childhood.

I recently read these thoughts on youth and writing about childhood, paraphrased from George Eliot:

...in the landscape of youth there is nothing important, except that is where we learned to be human. Sensitivity to one's childhood landscape is a sign of moral maturity.
(In a review of Rebecca Mead's The road to Middlemarch, by Helen Elliott SMH, Feb 2014).

This idea of sensitivity to childhood resonates with me as lately I have noticed that much of my writing is about my reflections of childhood. An incident from my memory is often the starting point for further discussion about something that is pertinent in my life today. So, if as Eliot suggests, this means that I have "moral maturity" then I feel pretty chuffed! 

There are reasons for my fascination with childhood. Obviously my work with young children  reflects and influences my constant thinking about this significant time in our lives, and I agree that it is when and where we learn to be human. We learn how to relate to others,  how to move and survive in this big crazy world, and our brains and hearts take shape. I do however also believe that this learning continues our entire life and that it's never to late to change, but that's a whole other conversation.

I also had a very happy and privileged childhood and I guess that as I age I am becoming more appreciative of this fact. I know that losing my Oma (grandma) and my Dad in the last year has also made me more nostalgic for my early years, as I remember the huge impact of both of these special relationships on the person I grew up to be. I'm also reminded of my childhood and adolescence as I watch my children grow towards adulthood. The emotions and experiences that they go through often feel familiar, sometimes painful, however mostly filled with that sense of excitement for the future and the idea that anything can happen.

At the same time I also remember the feeling of really enjoying and being in the present moment which was such a special part of being a child. I know that as I grow older I am doing my best to relearn that ability to appreciate and fully experience what is happening now - be it good or bad, and let go of worrying about what has been or may happen.




 

Loving the moment! All dressed up for my brother's party with my best friend.

Home, family, friends and celebrations are all part of my 'childhood landscape'. 

(That's me on the left).



 

 

I have to admit that I have wondered if my references to childhood in my writing were in fact childish! Did it mean that my thinking and writing were limited in some way? Perhaps not deep enough for an adult? After reading these words from George Eliot, which then motivated me to think more about why this time of life is so significant for me, I do feel much more confident about this aspect of my writing - and rather morally mature!