A new pact with myself

I've never been brilliant at making decisions.  I tend to over think situations and I know that I definitely try too hard to keep everyone happy which can sometimes be to my detriment. I have written about decision making before here - Make a pact with yourself - where I talk about always making time with my children a priority. In the last few weeks I have been mulling over an offer of extra work and wondering whether I should accept it or not. I have tossed around the pros and cons over and over, but just haven't been able to shake the feeling of discomfort it gives me. I have feelings of obligation, guilt, desire for recognition (and money!) and so on, however none of these are enough for me to commit to a job that, based on my past experience, I am pretty sure will result in me feeling stress and anxiety.

Yesterday I spent time with two old friends who both work in the same field as me, and I talked to them about my decision. Both reminded me that yes! I had asked them to please tell me not to do this type of work again. I thought about what advice I would give them if they were in the same situation and I know that I would tell them to make themselves a priority. And this is where I had the idea of making a new pact with myself - to do what is best for me. This focus on myself feels slightly uncomfortable. I definitely fit into the category of women who worry about everyone else before themselves. I have had major health issues in recent years and yet I still don't make my health and need to reduce stress the priority that it should be.

Later in the day as I was grocery shopping I was thinking about this new pact with myself and I ran into another friend who without even knowing what I had been thinking over, gave me the final encouragement I needed. In the checkout at Woolies -  where many wise words are spoken - she reminded me to rest, to take care of myself and to be creative.

So now, with thanks to my 3 wise friends, I've made a decision. I will take on work that feels good, that doesn't give me that awful tight feeling in my chest whenever I think about it. I will do work that fits in time wise - so that other things in my life and my family's life aren't compromised. I am also going to commit to use the time I do have to be creative - to write at a regular time at least once a week and to exercise regularly.

I'm looking forward to seeing where this new pact will take me. I expect I will find it hard at times, and of course I know I will continue to consider others in my decisions. I had a look for quotes about self care, of which there are many. This one really resonated with me - its about letting go which I believe is a bit of a theme in my life.

“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small.  My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.” ~ Kim McMillen   When I loved myself enough

I also like this one - if I take care of myself I'll be more able and available to take care of others.

 

Do you agree that looking after yourself is a priority? How do you think you are doing in this area?

Vanna xxx